I consider myself to be something of an expert on dealing with crazy women. After all, I was married to my ex-wife for over 25 years. However, that's not what this is about. This is about the current crop of young women that have made fortunes in Hollywood, rock and roll and reality shows. Now maybe we had just as many insane women back in my time, but we didn't have the instant access to their looniness now that we have this thing called the internet.
I also don't want you to think we don't have our fair share of crazy men. As long as there are Robert Downey Jrs and Ashton Kutchers running around that won't be a problem. The thing is, Robert and Ashton don't interest me, and as I've said, I don't write about things that don't interest me.
No, I'm much more interested in the high comedy provided by the young women that have made it in the world on their looks and limited abilities, and we'll talk about just a few of them here today.
Tara Reid first hit the screen in 1984 as a regular on the kids show "Child's Play", but she became famous in the late 90's appearing in "The Big Lebowski" and playing the virginal Vickie in "American Pie". She followed this up with a string of flops until 2002 when she reclaimed her former glory in "American Pie 2". Somewhere around this time it all started to fall apart for Tara as she enjoyed her fame and lifestyle and seemed determined to party 'till she dropped. It was in 2004 at a birthday party for rapper Puff Daddy that she walked down the red carpet, so stoned that she didn't realize that her dress had slipped off her shoulder, revealing a fairly tasty breast. Apparently though, she didn't think they were quite tasty enough so she went on a plastic surgery binge to have them "evened up". When that didn't seem to satisfy her craving for perfection she decided to have some procedure called liposculpting done so she could have a nice set of 6 pack abs for her hoped for next movie. The surgery went terribly wrong and left her stomach resembling something from a science fiction film. Tara, next time try buying a stairmaster. At the moment, she's apparently posed for Playboy which explains their financial troubles. No word on upcoming movies for Tara and I think she now earns her living appearing at club openings, fundraisers and the occasional tractor pull.
Britney Spears first hit in 1993 when, at the age of 12 she starred in "The all new Mickey Mouse Club". In 1999 she released her first album "Baby, one more Time" which hit #1 and sold over 25 million copies. Now I can't say that I ever enjoyed Britney's music, but she was a damn fine dancer and choreographer, not to mention looking sensational in the costumes she wore during her shows. Brit's problems always began and finished with the men she chose to spend time with. First she had a several year relationship with singer Justin Timberlake from one of those hideous boy bands that cluttered the music scene for the better part of a decade. Then, just to make matters worse, she wound up marrying fellow mensa reject Kevin Federline who had been some sort of a dancer/hanger on. These idiots managed to produce 2 children which I suppose someone else will be writing about after they've met some hideous fate, possibly involving lighter fluid and a fireworks stand in 2023.
For sheer self destruction, it's hard to top what Lindsay Lohan has done for herself. She started out in 1998, at the age of 11 in the remake of "The Parent Trap". She rose to fame from 2003 to 2005 appearing in such Oscar nominated films as "Mean Girls", "Freaky Friday" and "Herbie, Fully Loaded". Lindsay apparently had been brought up in a demanding family that fully intended to milk her stardom and money for all it was worth. So obviously she tried to find love in a series of failed relationships with such luminaries as singer Aaron Carter, British TV personality Calum Best and Wilmer Valderrama. (Fez from "That 70's Show) When those all failed to provide her with the love she needed she turned to DJ Samantha Ronson for that womans touch. Lindsay has also had numerous run ins with the police due to her love of driving while drunk or on cocaine. In 2008 she had the honor of being turned down by the Obama campaign. Apparently they didn't feel that she was the sort of star they wanted representing them. 
Now what do all of these girls have in common? Well at one time they were all best friends with the Queen of crazy, Paris Hilton. I have to admit, I have a fair amount of grudging respect for Paris. She's spent the last 10 years partying her bony ass off. She's done nothing that I can think of other than being born rich. She doesn't seem to be especially bright and well, she's a complete fucking tart. However, despite all this, she just keeps rolling along like the energizer bunny. Paris has never been that much to look at, but she hasn't seemed to have gone downhill. She's the Keith Richards of her generation. And it's not just these 3. Some of her other gal pals include Nicole Richie who's managed to lose about 75% of her body mass trying to keep up with her and the Olson twins who've pretty much been on suicide watch for the last 5 years. But not Paris. Anytime things slow down she can just crank out another sex tape. I hear the next one may include Pam Anderson. Viva La Paris!
Have a great weekend folks!
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